my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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