we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize
