Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Randomize
