i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
