This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
