Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
