Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
