I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
