get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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