I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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