talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Randomize
