i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
