i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
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