I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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