Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Randomize
