You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
