I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
This toilet bowl is my home.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
