im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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