I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
