i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
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