I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
My underwear smells like fireworks.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Randomize
