She is in my trunk
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
