I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Randomize