I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
