It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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