I'm going to rape someone's good day.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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