I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
