I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Randomize
