Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
