dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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