So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
