why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Randomize
