He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Hippo gnu deer
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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