eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
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