The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
