you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
