Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
