I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
