im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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