Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Randomize
