Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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