Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
