You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Randomize
