We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Randomize
