Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
