Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
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