my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
