I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
