that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
oh god was she eating orange peels again
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
