goodnight i made you a song goodbye
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
