I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Randomize
