this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
