Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Randomize
