thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
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