Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
