were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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