And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
