He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
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