i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
