Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
