its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Randomize