my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
