its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
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