my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
