what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Randomize
