If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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