I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
