Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
