i would punch a child for taco bell
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Randomize
