Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
