So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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